Perfectly Broken
by Ms.Informed13
Summary: AU. Quinn is captain of the Cross Country team and Rachel is a singer/actor/soccer player and both of them are broken in their own ways. Together they just might be able to figure out how to heal. This is an experiment in to flawed characters so this will be angsty. Self harm warning later in the story, however I plan on a happy Faberry ending.
1. Look both ways

**A/N This is an AU fic, everyone is still in high school, Quinn is the captain of the XC team and Rachel is still a singer for glee club as well as an actress in school plays and plays soccer. My teacher told me after a creative writing assignment that my characters are 'too perfect' so this is my foray into flawed characters. Granted all of these characters are flawed in their own ways on the show I had to get creative to figure out my own flaws for them, let me know what you think. **

**WARNING- there are allusions to self harm that will be elaborated upon later in the story. **

**This is pretty Quinn centric and Rachel will be coming in later though. Oh and this is more emotions heavy so those of you that want all high speed action this may not be the story for you.**

* * *

It was a hot summer day, the first day of the school year. Most normal high school students were spending their afternoon lounging at the pool or roaming the local mall in an attempt to hold onto any trace left of summer, but the extraordinary ones were sitting in a huddle behind the bleacher of the school. Dressed in shorts and tank tops they all had a few things in common; perpetually horrible tan lines, plastic watches, and a peculiar addiction to water. Together they comprised the William McKinley cross country team.

The head captains were delivering their beginning of the year speeches as customary on the first day of practice.

"You losers all probably have something wrong with you since you made the conscious decision to sign up to pay money to run for miles on end but hell were all kinda crazy here." The head captain for the boys team said. He was tall and mow hawked. He possessed natural good looks accentuated by bulging muscles from hours in the gym, he looked amazing and knew it. And flaunted it, "I guess we're kinda like the island of misfit toys went to Wonderland. But trust me, you are gonna love being on the team this year."

He ended his speech with a wink at a group of new freshman girls which got them giggling.

"Very inspirational Puckerman. It's no wonder the boys voted you as captain." The unofficial girls co captain drawled from her place leaning against the bleachers next to the other captain.

"They voted for me cause I'm hella fast and my abs are like sculpted marble. Lets see why your captain got her spot!"

There was a constant competition between the two teams because though they were often grouped together as one the boys and girls competed separately and it was always a silent competition to see who could place higher or pr by more. The girls had won last year when they took second in state and they boys didn't even qualify to compete at the meet.

"That's a funny coincidence you see we voted for our captain for those same reasons. Oh and she has half a brain!" The Latina shot back, not willing to be urlsurped by him. You wouldn't have guessed it but the two were really close friends, they were also both insanely stubborn and competitive so these things rarely ended well.

"Thank you both for that marvelous introduction." The blonde captain finally pushed herself upright from her post leaning on the bleachers. All heads turned to stare at her, the new kids openly appraising their leader for the season. "My name is Quinn, and its an honor to serve as your girls captain this year."

She made her way to the front of the group, walking slowly and meeting the eyes of each person seated on the floor in front of her. Quinn was just above average height but her short running attire made it look as though her naturally golden legs stretched on forever. Her face was soft but she made up for it with piercing hazel eyes. The blonde hair was swept up into a messy pony tail from which a few strands escaped to frame her sun kissed face.

"I'll try to keep my speech short so we can get to What we all came here for, running. When people ask you why you run you better have a good answer ready. In this sport it is an inevitability. Our biggest mystery and our greatest secret. It defines us as runners and as competitors. The first time I was asked that question I was a freshman who just joined the team; the senior captain approached me and asked those four magic words I replied so my ass doesn't get fat. But the truth is I'm still not sure why I run, one day I hope to figure it out. Now get out there and find your reason for running!"

Everyone moved to their feet and secured their personal items under the bleachers, moving with a certain sense of lethargy from the heat.

"Coach sends her regrets she couldn't be here this summer but assured me she will be back from her family emergency in time for the first race of the season, today's run is an easy 3 miles for new kids, 4 and a half for returning runners." Quinn announced.

Upperclassmen grumbled but began dispersing in small groups, "And nobody runs on their own!"

"Except you of course." Santana countered, sneaking up behind her best friend. "Where to today boss?"

"First I don't run on my own anymore and second we are going to Safeway." The blonde replied irate.

"But that's only one and a half away."

"Exactly. We are taking novices on an out and back then extending our run to make it four."

"Fine." The Latina knew from experience there was no use in arguing with her friend when she went into her 'responsible mother' mode. "But if those slow ass kids fall behind I'm leaving them behind!"

Quinn smirked, remembering when santana was one of those slow ass kids, "Fine."

William McKinley High School sat at the bottom of a hill so you had to hike up the driveway to get to the road from the parking lot. Each day before they ran the team would make the climb up to the main road and from there split to their different destinations. At the very top of the hill there was a brick sign that said 'William McKinley'. It was the graduation gift from the Class of 2010.

The team called the sign 'the laundry basket'. On hot days it became a dumping spot for the team's unwanted layers.

"Are my pecs uneven? I think the right one is bigger than the left." Puck asked, flexing afore mentioned muscles and dropping his black t-shirt into the quickly forming pile.

"Maybe it's because you only have half a brain so it distorts your vision." Santana offered, shedding her own tank top to reveal a dark blue sports bra and softly defined abs.

"Children, don't make me separate you. I will pull this car over!" Quinn was quickly growing tired of playing mom but she was well used to the role. "Puck just take your boys and get going. San and I are taking the girls to Safeway so you all should head the other way to the 7-11."

"Slurpee challenge on the first practice?" Puck's face immediately lightened, "That seems a bit harsh coming from you Q but if you think they are up for it.."

Quinn's face darkened, "NO! That's not what I meant!"

"Oh! Q if they are doing the slurpee challenge I want to go with them instead! Please?" Santana was practically bursting with excitement. The new kids eyed their captains curiously, scared expressions on their faces and many of them were slowly getting pale despite the heat.

"Santana you are not running with them because they are not doing the slurpee challenge on their first day of practice! Now get out of here Puck and when you get back they had better all be in one piece." Head Captain Quinn Fabray was back in charge and spouting orders like only she could.

"Fine, move out troops." Puck turned and lead his boys down the opposite side of the hill to the nearest gas station.

"Don't leave anybody behind!" the blonde gave one last warning, "Come on girls."

"Are you seriously wearing your shirt on the run Q?" the Latina asked, eyeing her best friend curiously, normally Quinn was one of the first to remove that article of clothing on runs. "You're gonna overheat to death."

"Huh oh yeah." it was by no means a requirement that the team run shirtless but it was normal and eventually, everyone spent half the summer topless.

"I know your abs aren't quite as impressive as mine, I mean I have bedded at least half of the Cheerios with these babies but that's no reason to be self conscious." Santana joked.

Quinn peeled off her grey tank and added it to the pile, "Shut up and run Lopez."

Half way to the store their group of 10 freshmen had dwindled to an impressive two who were able to maintain the pace of the two top girls on varsity, but it was an easy run day.

Santana and Quinn had been deep in conversation for most of the time but had recently fallen into a comfortable lull. One of the freshmen filled it.

"What is the slurpee challenge Puckerman was talking about earlier?"

"What's your name fresh meat?" Santana asked over her shoulder, completely ignoring the question.

"Marely. I just moved here."

"Well 'Marley I just moved here', the slurpee challenge is the holy grail of rites of passage. Each year after our in house time trial to determine who runs varsity the boys team 'welcomes' on their new varsity by running from gas station to gas station for over an hour, making the new members drink a super sized slurpee at each one." Santana seemed pleased at the horrified expression on Marley's face.

Quinn was quick to step in, "Don't worry, we don't do that on the girl's team. We just run with them or ride the golf cart and watch."

"Oh."

They continued in silence for a bit, the shopping center was in sight and just a few more neighborhood exits to cross. Quinn was in the lead with Santana a bit behind then the three freshmen. The blonde raced across the intersection without even pausing, there was a stop sign after all, she should have been fine.

But drivers roll stop signs and don't look both ways. It was a small blue toyota. The driver rolled the sign right into Quinn's hip.

"WHAT THE HELL! IT'S CALLED A STOP SIGN JACK ASS!" Santana was livid, she slammed a fist on the hood of the car. "THERE'S PEDESTRIANS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

After making sure the driver was too afraid to drive she knelt down next to her best friend who was sprawled on the pavement in front of the car. "Q, are you all right? Did you hit your head?"

Quinn just groaned and pushed herself into a sitting position. "I'm fine San. Just a bit sore, I think I got road rash on my back."

The two struggled upright and Santana examined her friend closely, "Yeah your back is definitely a bit burned and your elbows too. Other than that," the Latina took a step back, carefully examining the front of her friends torso. "What are those?"

Her brown eyes narrowed on thing white scars along her friends narrow hips. There were multiple lines tracing across her creamy skin, crossing and blurring.

"They're nothing." Quinn shoved her friend's concerned hand away from where it was probing the lines.

"That's not nothing Q! What the hell happened to you?" Santana didn't take anything lightly when it came to her close friends.

"Just drop it Santana. We will talk about this later." the blonde eyed the group of freshmen forming around them, in all of the commotion a few more had caught up to them and now there were seven of them watching the scene between the two friends.

Quinn brushed off gravel that had clung to her legs after the collision and continued on the run to the Safeway. The freshmen snapped out of their surprised daze and followed her.

"And that, is why you look both ways before crossing the road." Quinn said, trying to lighten the situation.

Santana finally caught up to her friend and jogged along in silence the rest of the run until they made it back to the school to drop of the freshmen. "Good job today ladies, same time tomorrow, make sure you all drink plenty of water."

The freshmen echoed a tired, "Thanks Quinn." and made their way down to the parking lot where their parents were waiting.

"Come on Q, we're going to Candy Land." Santana spoke for the first time since the accident but didn't wait to see if the blonde was following before she headed off into the woods behind the school.

Candy Land was a trial the two had found their freshman year that twisted like the old board game and just stretched on for miles, they would run back there when they didn't want to be disturbed. It was their secret place.

After a few minutes Santana stopped dead in the middle of the trail, "Spill it, and don't even try any shit with me Fabray. I know you don't have cats or had surgery as a little kid so you better tell me the truth."

Quinn's head hung in shame, "You don't have to worry about me San, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. I promise you what you saw isn't as big of a deal as you are making it out to be."

"Not a big deal?" Santana closed the distance between them and grabbed the waistband of Quinn's shorts, tugging them down lightly so the marks were fully exposed and swallowed a gasp when she saw how far down they went. "This looks like a pretty damn big deal."

"Please Santana, just drop it." Quinn made no move to step away from the Latina, she was frozen. Not because the brunette's hands were in her shorts -they had been best friends for twelve years and physical boundaries had disappeared around that same time- but by the intensity of her gaze. "Just please, I can't talk about it right now."

Santana softened her gaze and moved her hands up to cup Quinn's face, "Honey it's not nothing. You are hurt or you were hurt. I get it if you don't want to talk about it right now, just promise that you are ok."

"I promise I'm ok." she finally brought her gaze up to meet Santana's.

"Ok, because you know I don't like to say it but I love you. You're my best friend and if anything happens to you, well it would really suck."

"I love you too San. I'm going to be fine."

Santana nodded, seemingly satisfied with the answer and turned to leave the forest back to the parking lot. Quinn waited a moment but followed.

"Lopez, did you knife Quinn in the forest or something?" Puck asked after seeing the two emerge from the woods.

"What the hell are you talking about mohawk for brain?" the Latina shot back.

"Q is bleeding, did you knife her or was she attacked by squirrels again?" that actually did happen their sophomore year, Quinn wasn't paying attention and she tripped right into a fallen squirrel's nest and was clawed by the mother squirrel until she ran screaming half a mile back to the school.

"I'm not bleeding."

Puck put a hand on her shoulder and it came back covered in red, "I think you are blondie."

Quinn's eyes widened, though she had become accustomed to seeing her own blood recently it was so much and on somebody else, she was almost sick.

"It's from the road rash Q." Santana was behind, checking the injury, "Bastard took off the top layer of skin from your shoulders and upper back."

"It can't be that bad, all I feel is some stinging." the blonde was trying to look over her shoulder to see the injury but the movement caused shooting pain through her opposite side.

"Lay down Q." Puck said, "I have a first aid kit in my truck, just hang on."

"This is insane-"

"Do it Q!" Santana was not having a debate on it. The freshmen had left earlier, before the two had gone on their extended run. It was just the three of them left now.

"Fine." she laid down on the hot track on her stomach, the black tar bits digging into her abdomen but she liked the uncomfortable pain, it distracted from the stinging in her back.

"I'm back!" Puck announced, kneeling on the opposite side of Quinn, "Here's some pads, let's just wipe off the blood and then go from there." Puck was EMT certified and spent his free time at the local hospital, riding along on the ambulances and getting in the field training.

He handed Santana some pads and began gently wiping away the red stain, "So if San didn't knife you, then what happened?"

"I got hit by a car."

"Dude, join the club. But when I got hit I didn't start bleeding." Puck said, "Guess I'm just stronger than you."

"In you're dreams Puckerman." Quinn replied through clenched teeth, the boy had started sterilizing her wound with alcohol pads and it stung like a mother. "I got road rash, now fix me!"

Puck laughed, "You are an insanely stubborn patient. We are almost done, just going to attach some gauze so you don't get infected."

"Can you do this without me Puck?" the Latina asked, "I mean I think of Q as my sister but I can't stand her blood."

"Yeah." Noah said, already securing the gauze with medical tape, "Don't shower until tomorrow and after you do reapply more clean gauze with some antibiotic, got it?"

"Yes sir!" Quinn mocked.

"Yeah yeah, get off my track, gimp."

"Thanks Puck."

"No problem Q."

Quinn pulled herself up to her feet and gently tried stretching her shoulders, wincing in pain at the small movement. "Drive me home San?"

"You got it gimp." She grabbed her bag and Quinn's from under the bleachers.

"Don't you call me that too!"

"Come on gimp." They made their way to the Latina's car, "Don't bleed on my seats."

"Shut up and drive." Santana drove up the hill and paused by the sign, Quinn jumped out and grabbed their shirts, it was an automatic motion done dozens of times before on days like this when they would run. She hopped back into the car and Santana took her home.

* * *

**A/N- Rachel will be making an appearance in the next chapter. I have been playing with this idea for a while and am open to any feedback on the content and style of the story so please do tell me what you think!**


	2. You really should wear a shirt

"What did you get for number 12?" Puck asked. He was leaning across the aisle of desks to try to read Quinn's homework.

"I got y=x^3-3x^2+14." She replied, finally giving up and handing him her papers.

"Thanks Q. How would I make it through Calc without you?"

"You wouldn't." For the past three years Quinn had spent her math classes helping Santana and Puck struggle through. There were very few gifted students in math at William McKinley so their math class stayed the same though all four years, only getting smaller as people dropped to easier courses. Now in their fourth year the class was made up of sixteen seniors.

Included in the group was the top fourteen students in the graduating class- Santana and Puck.

Quinn began idly doodling in the corner of her notebook, intricate trellises morphing into vines and leaves and tracing their way across her page. Her eyes snapped up when Puck let out a low whistle, "Can that girl's shorts get any shorter?"

Quinn didn't have to look to know to whom her friend was referring but she did anyways. Walking towards the pair was a short brunette -wearing an indeed short, black skirt paired with a white blouse that hugged her curves perfectly. She gave Quinn a small nod as she took her seat right in front of her.

The class had a seating chart, that lasted exactly two days before everyone went back to their normal seating arrangement, the runners in a back corner with Quinn in front of Santana then Puck next to them and the band nerds in the front row, the loners in the opposite corner, and the mega minds were in the center of the room. Only one person remained in her assigned seat, Ms. Rachel Berry.

Her brunette hair sometimes flowed onto Quinn's desk when she leaned back and Quinn could smell her shampoo early in the morning.

"Stop leering Puck!" Quinn lowly seethed and smacked his arm.

"I'm sorry if I occasionally appreciate looking at girls who put a little effort into how they dress." He shot back, giving Quinn a once over, "I mean the sweats and tank can be endearing, but it's the summer Quinn! That means summer dresses!"

Quinn glared at him and just readjusted her position at her desk, bringing her legs up underneath her so one knee pressed into her chest, resulting in a half indian style. "I'm sorry if I was a bit busier this morning reapplying gauze to my road rash to put on makeup."

Indeed Quinn's shoulders were rebandaged in the white cotton material and her low tank top left little to the imagination of just how far the injury went.

Puck shook his head and his eyes flew back and forth between the two girls. They were polar opposites of each other. Rachel's perfect straight back posture juxtaposed with Quinn's human pretzeling of her legs, Rachel's short skirt and tight shirt looked ldd next to Quinn's baggy sweats and old tank top, even their physical attributes clashed perfectly, Rachel's dark hair and naturally tan skin contrasted with Quinn's bright blonde hair and paler sun tanned arms.

The bell rang, signaling the beginning of first period right as Santana slipped into the classroom.

"Cutting it close there Ms. Lopez." the teacher remarked as he pulled the door closed right behind her.

She shrugged off the comment and huffed to plop unceremoniously into her seat behind Quinn. Their row read from front to back like a devolution guide, Rachel at the front with perfectly straight-backed posture, Quinn curled up in herself like a yogi, and Santana barely still in her chair with her head leant back in a corner, eyes already closed.

"What kept you San? Enjoying the flavor Cheerio of the week in the hallway?" Puck asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe, what's it to you?" Santana shot back.

Quinn smirked, and a disapproving sigh emitted from the desk in front of hers.

"Excuse me Berry? Got a problem with my sex life?" the Latina called from her spot, pulling herself up so she was sitting right in her desk.

Rachel pivoted in her desk to face the other brunette, "Oh no, I don't have a problem. But I imagine your health does. After all this time it's a wonder you haven't caught anything yet."

Quinn's jaw dropped and her eyes flew between the two like she was watching a high speed tennis match.

"Listen here Hobbit," Rachel flinched at the nickname, "Just because the extent of your sexual experience is the onstage kiss you had in the school play last year does not mean that you have the right to judge me. You may think you are all high and mighty, little miss thespian president, starter on the soccer team, valedictorian wannabe, but news flash princess, you are no better than the rest of us!"

"If you ladies don't mind, I'm trying to teach the most difficult math class this school offers. Your attention please." Rachel turned back to the front of the room, smoothing her skirt down, "I expected you of all people Fabray to be able to keep your friends in line."

Santana snickered as the teacher continued droning on with the lecture. Class passed normally for about thirty seconds before Quinn heard an inconspicuous _rip_ from behind her and moments later a carefully folded note landed on her desk. Flattening it out she read:

_Q, I swear I'm going to go postal if I have to sit through a whole day of this shit. Ditch second and third and come running with me? -S_

Quinn quickly wrote back a reply and faked a yawn to drop the note back to her friend:

_S, Nothing would give me more pleasure, but only cause I have second off and third is senior seminar so I won't really be ditching. Cause I don't do that. -Q_

Santana laughed, glared back at the teacher who shot her a warning look, and flicked the note back at the blonde:

_Since when do you not ditch? Either way sounds good. We'll run the forest?_-S

Quinn simply nodded and added the used paper to the collection forming in the back of her notebook. An hour later, backpacks safely stored in cars, clothes changed into those they brought for practice, and shirts discarded at the trail head they took off into the woods.

* * *

Red faced and panting, Quinn sprinted full speed down the science hall towards her fourth period class, _please God, don't let me be late. I have never been tardy before in my life and I refuse to let getting lost in the woods with Santana be the reason to ruin my perfect record._ She didn't even have time to change out of her sweaty running clothes when she got back to the school, she simply grabbed her notebook from her locker and took off, now the classroom was in sight with her teacher standing at the door glancing from her to his watch as if hoping she wouldn't make it in time.

Thankfully she reached the door just before the bell chimed.

"How kind of you to join us today Ms. Fabray."

"Anytime Sir." she wheezed, doubled over in the front of her AP Physics class.

"Do you need to visit the nurse?" he asked, making his way over to his desk, "Because traditionally when the bell rings people take their seats."

"On my way Sir." she responds. The mock way she calls him 'Sir' annoys the teacher to no end and he actually brought it up to a dean once to which Quinn replied 'I just wanted to show my respect for him so I address him as Sir' and she has ever since.

Quinn's stomach drops as she makes her way over to her seat when she remembers who she sits next to in this class. And that currently she was a mess. She was sweaty, covered in mud, wheezing from perpetual runner's cough, and she had lost most of her gauze in the forest so now her exposed shoulders were an angry red that stung and threatened to start bleeding again at any moment.

She felt so damn inadequate sitting next to Rachel freakin Berry.

"Did you ditch Senior Seminar?" Rachel hissed once Quinn plopped down next to her. _Really short stack, I'm bleeding, muddy, and look like hell and you ask me if I ditched._

"I don't ditch, I just made an informed decision not to attend that specific class period today." the blonde replied.

Her seatmate snorted, "Informed decision? Well I'd suggest you get a better informant."

"Why do you care?" Quinn asked, though being in classes with the brunette for the past four years she had hardly shared more than a few school related words with the girl.

"Because on the soccer team ditchers run sprints or sit the bench."

"In case you haven't noticed I run cross country, we all run sprints, and we don't have a bench. But thank you oh so much for your concern."

Rachel looked over as if to give her a disapproving glare but her gaze drops immediately to the blonde's shoulder, "You're bleeding."

"It's nothing." Quinn couldn't stand Rachel's concern right now, she just needed to get through this class and go to practice and be done for the day.

Rachel persisted, "Oh don't act all tough, that's seriously bleeding. You need to go to the nurse."

"I'm telling you Berry, I'm fine." the stinging was getting worse with the air conditioner blowing across her wound so she ground her teeth together.

"You're dripping blood on you're chair, you're not fine."

The teacher appeared in front of their shared desk. "Girls, is there a problem over here that is physically preventing you from paying attention in my class or do you just enjoy disrespecting me in front of your peers?"

Rachel was quick to speak up before Quinn could assert once again that she was 'just fine'. "Quinn is bleeding." She sounded like a fourth grader tattling on someone.

"I can see that Ms. Berry. Fabray go to the nurse." He said, glad to get the blonde out of his class.

"Yes Sir." Quinn stood up quickly and got a head rush, she staggered a bit and grabbed the corner of the desk in order to remain upright.

"Berry go with her so Fabray isn't found later in the hallway unconscious."

Rachel spluttered, "But Mr! Why do I have to be punished because she is injured? I shouldn't have to miss the lecture today because she decided to go galavanting in the woods during second period!"

The teacher smiled, clearly pleased at the unhappiness of the student, "I'm sure Hudson would be glad to pass along his lecture notes to you when you get back now move it. I don't want any more of Fabray's blood on my floor or chairs."

Rachel groaned, Finn was one student that probably shouldn't be in the class and he spent the whole period doodling in his notebook. She nevertheless stood and shot Quinn a glare before sweeping from the room, the blonde on her heels.

Once they were out in the hallway Quinn took the lead, calling over her shoulder, "I appreciate you coming with me but I can make it on my own, the nurse's office is literally down the hall. I'm not going to spontaneously combust between here and there."

The brunette frowned but kept walking towards the office with Quinn, "I know you can make it, I just don't feel the need to argue with Mr. Jack Ass today."

"Now who's the ditcher?"

"I was making an 'informed decision'."

_When they arrived at the office Rachel stayed with Quinn and even went back with her when they took her to a separate exam room to redress the wound._

"Quinn can you remove your tank top for me so I can get to the road rash?" the kind old nurse asked.

The blonde's mouth was suddenly dry, she was nervous. Nervous of what Rachel would think about how she looked with her shirt off. She shook her head. _This is a professional environment, nobody cares what your abs look like. Besides, Rachel is totally straight so there's no reason she would even be looking at you like that._

Reluctantly and painfully she peeled off the garment and laid it to the side.

"Oh dear. How did you get this again? You said you were running yesterday."

Quinn winced at the alcohol pad the nurse was using to wipe her shoulder and blushed a bit when Rachel reached for her hand, "Yeah, I was running across an intersection and a car rolled the stop sign right into my thigh and I wasn't wearing a shirt so when I fell I just scratched up my back." She grimaced when the nurse rubbed harder at the injury to get what appeared to be sap off of her wound. Instinctually Quinn tightened her grip on Rachel's hand and felt a spark up her spine when the brunette gently squeezed back.

"Tut tut tut," the nurse clicked her tongue, "You really should wear your shirt more dear, it's not modest."

Quinn's blush rose and Rachel shot her a smirk, "I will try to in the future M'am."

"There, all done!" the nurse patted her on the elbow and the blonde hopped off her seat and yanked her tank top back over her head.

"Thank you." she muttered as she pushed her way out of the clinic, Rachel following close behind.

Once they were a safe way away the brunette bust out laughing.

"What?"

"You got hit by a car! Aren't you in charge, shouldn't you be teaching freshmen to be careful in the roads?" She asked between giggles.

"I'm not their mother." Quinn said, trying to hide her distaste.

"Clearly, you don't wear your shirt enough for that!" Rachel shot back.

Quinn couldn't hide her blush at that statement, "It's hot outside in the summer and we run a really long way. Plus then it keeps me from getting bad tan lines." she tried to justify quietly.

"It's hot? Really?" Rachel scoffed.

"Shut it!" Quinn said jokingly, they arrived at their classroom, "Well that was a fun excursion."

"Indeed, next time you start spontaneously bleeding, pick a different class and I would happily accompany you to the nurse. How about english, can you bleed during english tomorrow?" Rachel's eyes practically sparkled at the prospect of missing their english class.

"I'll give it my best shot."

* * *

"NO! I DO NOT APPROVE!" Santana shouted, causing a passing driver to honk at her. It was after school and Santana and Quinn were leading the freshmen on another run though scenic Lima, Ohio.

Quinn shot a look over her shoulder, only one freshman was close enough to hear the outburst, that Marley girl. _She seems nice enough, she probably won't say anything._ "It's not that I want to date her or anything, I just like her that's all."

"She's a bitch! You heard what she said to me during first. You cannot have a crush on that... thing!" The brunette's pony tail whipped as if to emphasize her point.

"You're my best friend, you're supposed to be supportive with this sort of stuff you know!"

"Hey! I am an amazing best friend. I am just honest with you."

Quinn huffed, she supported Santana through all of her messy breakups and emotional lows ever since they had known each other but Santana always took a more critical role in the friendship, being protective to a fault to ensure that Quinn didn't get hurt. Sometimes it was for the better, other times, it was down right over bearing. "How about I promise not to date her and you will drop this?"

Santana thought about it as they came to a halt at a stop light, Quinn used the light post to stretch her calves, "I don't even think she's gay." Marley arrived just behind the Latina, doubled over and breathing heavy.

"Who's not gay?" she asked between breaths.

Santana shot Quinn a dark look, Quinn responded with pleading eyes, she actually liked this freshman and the last thing she needed was Santana scaring her off. The brunette groaned, surrendering to the captain, "Want to extend your run with us Marley?"

The young girl nodded, "Love to."

"Great, keep up and keep quiet."

The light changed and the three took off again, "What does her being gay have to do with anything? Its never stopped you before."

Santana laughed at the question, "Because you said you wouldn't 'date' the girl. Date being the operative term. I don't date girls, any girls, straight or gay. I screw them and move on which is first significantly easier with straight girls."

Quinn shook her head. "Thanks for the clarification."

"So unless you want to screw her then I guess you're screwed." the brunette said simply.

"I don't want to do anything with her!"

"Sure sure. Shut up and run Q."


	3. Broken

**A/N This is all that I have currently written and am trying to decide if I should continue writing for this story or focus on another one so let me know if you have any interest in me continuing this story and if there is interest I will keep writing for this one. I see potentially like 2 more chapters total.**

**WARNING- In this chapter the marks on Quinn's hips are explored and there is graphic detail that may not be suitable for young or impressionable views, cutting warning. **

* * *

"If you are unsatisfied with your test grades feel free to come in and look over them, as always there are not any test corrections but you can still look at what you missed so you don't miss it next time." The teacher said, walking around and passing out the tests they had taken last class.

Quinn got hers back and suppressed a shutter, "That royally sucked."

Santana took one look at her grade and replaced it facedown on her desk with a groan, "What is sucking for little miss future valedictorian? 98 percent?"

The blonde glared at her friend. If anything got Quinn's nerves up it was people assuming she was perfect just because she did her best to make herself as close to perfect as she could, "If you must know I got a 76 San. I'm not as perfect as you think."

Puck laughed, throwing in his two cents from across the aisle, "You're not as perfect as you think Quinn. To everyone else you're pretty damn perfect."

"I don't think you all get that I'm really not that special." Quinn had tried explaining it to them before but they never really understood, nobody understood.

Rachel snorted from in front. The blonde was at the end of her rope and although her and the other girl had been getting along well recently she was in no mood for her sass today, "Yes Rachel?"

"Nothing, you just don't realize how good you have it." Rachel's deep brown eyes locked onto Quinn's hazel ones, "One bad grade doesn't mean you are a bad student, it means you had an off day. Nobody's perfect but you're the closest thing to it in this shit town." Rachel turned back forwards and the blonde just sat there stunned. _Was that a compliment or an insult? What the hell-._

"Somebody has a little admirer!" Santana whispered and poked Quinn in the back, drawing her out of her daze.

"Shut up San."

* * *

Quinn and Santana were neck in neck, racing to the finish, they were in the middle of running a 400's work out. They would run a 400, jog a 200, run a 400, repeat as many times as their coach told them to. Each time was supposed to be faster than the last. In the last 50 Santana pulled ahead, sprinting for her life she tore through the line just under time. Quinn, however, wheezed her way in. A disappointing 10 seconds off her time.

"Fabray! What was that? Since when do you let Chesty mc Boob job beat you?" The coach yelled. She was always coming up with new names to yell at the runners in attempt to motivate them, "I picked you as my senior captain because I thought you would be a good influence on the team. Clearly if you can't even make your splits in this exercise I don't know how you expect to be able to lead the team. Get on the line and try again!'

Quinn shook her blonde hair out of her eyes and moved to stand on the indicated line. "3-2-1 Go!"

She took off, running her hardest. The rest of the team had paused from their workout to see if their captain would rise to the challenge and finish. They moved out of her lane and shouted words of encouragement after her. Nearly to the finish the blonde felt a comforting stitch in her side and the familiar pain in her thighs as she approached the line. "Better pick it up Fabray!"

Quinn pushed harder, she found her 100% and gave even more. When she crossed the line she staggered off the track, unable to keep running but unable to stop completely. She limped into the middle of the track, which held an astroturf field. Finally she dropped to her knees and rolled onto her back, landing somewhere among the mess of bags the girls soccer team left out during their practice. The coach watched with disinterest, "You made it Fabray, don't forget a cool down."

The blonde smiled to herself and Santana came over to congratulate her, "Nice job blondie. I knew me beating you was a fluke, have some water before you pass out." Quinn took the bottle in trembling hands and tried to pour some into her mouth but once the liquid made it past her throat she knew she had mad a mistake. She shot upright and ran with a strength she didn't know she still had to the closest goal post, hanging on for dear life she retched and lost her lunch.

"Ugh, did you really need to do that over here?" the goalie asked, she was some junior with bright red hair Quinn had seen before but never talked to.

"Leave her alone, she just ran faster than you could in your wildest dreams." Rachel said, shooting the goalie a look that sent the younger girl running off to the other end of the field while she casually leant against the goal post Quinn was still using as a support, "So was it really necessary for you to puke on my nice new astroturf field?"

"Yes, it was necessary," the blonde replied, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand.

"How's your back doing?"

"It's been a week, I'm mainly healed, just a bit sore." Quinn was surprised by the sudden shift in conversation but didn't trust herself to move from the goal post yet.

"Good, good. I see you are still not wearing your shirt." She gestured to the purple sports bra that covered Quinn's heaving chest, "Going against the nurses advice, that's risky." Quinn blushed and opened her mouth for a snarky comeback when-

"Fabray! This is not social hour! Go do a cool down!" The coach yelled, "Throwing up is a sign of weakness, don't be weak."

"Yes coach!" Quinn pushed off the goal post with a small nod to Rachel and lightly began jogging around the track.

Santana joined her quickly, "I know you don't think you're perfect but that split was pretty damn amazing. Coach said you just barely hit it but I saw the clock, you were six seconds off of the winning time at state last year in the 400. I still don't see why you won't run track."

The blonde sighed, it was a conversation they had many times before, "I don't run in circles, it makes me feel like a hamster."

"A hamster that could win state!"

"I refuse to ba a hamster!" Quinn stopped dead and gave Santana a look that made her know she was not messing around, "Look, people expect enough out of me already and the last thing I need is more pressure. You don't get it, everyone thinks I'm some amazing shiny gold star but they don't get that I'm just a burning ball of gas trying not to implode!" She ran back to the bleachers to grab her shirt and bag before storming off to her car.

* * *

When she got home Quinn grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and headed up to her room. Dropping her backpack she logged onto her computer to check email while munching her snack. Scrolling through she saw nothing interesting. She left her half eaten apple on her desk and went to her bathroom.

Starting the water she peeled off her running shorts and for a moment just stood and looked at herself in the mirror. She really did look perfect. Every strand of hair, every pore was perfect. She hated it. She hated how she could look so damn perfect on the outside and everyone saw her as so damn perfect but on the inside she was broken. On the inside she had no clue what she was doing. She was mad and scared and insecure. But nobody else seemed to realize that.

Her mind flashed back to her day. It started out shitty and the crap fest just continued, her breathing got shorter as she ran through every encounter and the feelings of inadequacy just grew until she was furious with herself, how she dared to stand there looking so damn perfect when on the inside she was broken beyond how she knew to repair.

She just had to make that un-pretty show on the outside and maybe then everyone would leave her alone and see what she saw when she looked at herself. She slammed open the cabinet under her sink and grabbed for the scissors she kept off to the side. They were small and pointy, the kind that you used to cut hair and for the first sixteen years of her life they were benign, just another tool to make herself look perfect. But lately they had turned malignant.

Quinn sat down on the lid of the toilet and quickly looked herself over, looking for somewhere to mark the skin. She was running out of space that wouldn't be noticed when she ran. Not wanting another repeat of the incident with Santana she chose the top of her thigh, a place even her short shorts were sure to cover.

She carefully opened the scissors and placed one sharp blade against her skin. The metal was cold and reassuring. But as many times as she had done this, which really wan't that many, it never got easier. Her hand shook as she pulled the blade across her skin. The movies all lie when they show people cutting themselves. In the movies they cut themselves once and blood rushes out then they push a kleenex against it and the blood stops and the world keeps going. But that's not what really happens.

Quinn didn't push hard enough the first time. All that resulted was a thin white line, less serious than a cat scratch. The second time she did it she pushed harder, hand still shaking she drew a line across her thigh, no blood came out so she drew a second and third line. They stung like a razor cut when shaving but after a few seconds the blood came. Small pinpricks at first that joined into long ribbons across the whole cuts. She wadded up tissue paper and pushed it against the wounds. After a few minutes and changing out the kleenex a couple times she thought it was safe to move on.

She flushed the bloody papers down the toilet so they wouldn't be found later. She shed the rest of her clothes and jumped into the shower, taking care to scrub every inch of her body. When she reached the fresh cuts she carefully went around. The soap stung her cuts and brought pinprick tears to her eyes. When she finished she turned the heat all the way up and brought her face up to the spray. She stood in that position for as long as she could with the hot water hitting her face and body until the temperature became too much and she got out to towel off.

Her dark green towel came away from her leg with an even darker splotch of what could only be her blood. She threw on some sweats and a clean tank top before going to her parents closet where they kept the first aide supplies. From the large box of bandages she retrieved two big ones and applied them to her cuts. When she retuned to her bathroom and looked in the mirror she was unrecognizable. Her hair dark and matted from the water, her face red and splotchy from the shower, and her leg covered in band aides. Finally the broken she felt on the inside showed on the outside.

She looked so damn un pretty and it was marvelous. Quinn wasn't quite sure if it was the best or worst decision of her life. She knew it was wrong which was probably why it felt so right but she couldn't hide the fact that she was happy that her hurt finally showed on the outside. She didn't enjoy the pain or the scars or the blood or any other part of it. Quinn just wanted her outside to reflect her inside.

* * *

The next day Quinn was sitting in her AP Spanish class ready to stab herself in the eye with a pencil to get solace from the unending lecture. _But then I would have to go to the nurse for the second time this year. I don't go to the nurse, ever. I only went last time cause damn Rachel tattled on me. I wasn't even bleeding that much. Bleeding, I should check on my leg, I really don't need to bleed through these shorts. _

Without raising her hand to ask for permission she left the class, grabbing the bathroom pass off the board and slowly meandering towards the nearest ladies room. Once inside Quinn closed the outer door and pulled up the leg of her shorts. The band aides were still looking as good as they did in the morning but she wanted to prolong her stay so she peeled them off and pulled out her extras. When she was throwing away her used band aides she heard a retching from the end stall. _The hell-_

"Do you need help?" Quinn yelled through the door. She had enough awkward highschool bathroom encounters to know it was best to just go for it.

A toilet flushed and was followed by a familiar voice replying, "No I'm fine."

_Who is that? _Quinn couldn't quite place the voice but she knew it, "If you're fine you wouldn't be tossing your cookies in the bathroom."

The door opened and the occupant stepped out, her face already armed with a cold glare to shoot at Quinn. The glare melted off into an expression of shock when she realized who else was in the bathroom. "Quinn."

"Rachel."

Recovering from her shock, the brunette pushed past Quinn and went to the sink to wash her hands. "I'm fine." She refused to meet the blonde's eyes in the mirror so instead she aimed for Quinn's leg and what she saw shocked her. Quinn was still frozen in surprise, her hand still holding up the leg of her shorts and her cuts exposed to Rachel's gaze. They were red and angry since they were so new, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. If you get to be fine then so do I." the blonde applied the two bandages she had brought with her while Rachel just watched from her spot at the sink. When she had finished she just stood staring at the wall trying to find the courage to turn and face the other girl. Once she did and their eyes met she was startled by the intensity that the chocolate brown ones searched hers, it was as though Rachel could see right through her to the pain she was feeling.

Instead of probing deeper into the issue her carefully painted lips parted to ask one simple question, "So we're both fine?"

Quinn nodded but couldn't tear her eyes from Rachel's. The brunette made the first move, pushing her hair back and straightening her shoulders she put on her game face to enter back into the normal world. She exited the bathroom without so much as a 'bye Quinn.'

The blonde's mind was still reeling, _There's no way she was up-chucking on accident. She's not sick, that was on purpose. We both may want to be fine, we both want every one to think we are fine, but really she just may be as broken as I am._

* * *

**A/N Thanks for reading, once again just let me know if you want me to continue this story and I will look into it.**


	4. School Rallies Suck

**A/N- Sorry this chapter took so long but life is busy and all that jazz. I am already working on the next chapter and hope to have it up in about a week. Enjoy!**

* * *

In the next few days Quinn learned a hard truth, life goes on. Though the world seemed to stand still in that moment days ago when she and Rachel found each other in the bathroom, life went on. She had to go back to Spanish class and sit next to the brunette in physics the next day and pretend as if everything was fine.

For a while she could do it. She could do the awkward small talk, silent nods in the hallway, and benign acknowledgment but it still weighed heavily in the back of her mind. Every time Rachel would get up to go to the bathroom Quinn would wonder if she was going to throw up again. She started to notice small things about the brunette she never paid enough attention to see before.

She watched at lunch how Rachel would sit there and sip from her purple water bottle. But she never ate anything. Before soccer practice she would throw back two advil and grimace as they went down. She seemed happy enough but sometimes she would get this far away look on her face like she wasn't looking at whoever was talking to her, more just looking through them. Her smiles were tight and looked like they took a lot of effort to produce.

Quinn slowly began to see just how broken down Rachel was. It wasn't very pronounced; you would only be able to see it if you were looking. But Rachel's face didn't have the healthy flush it used to back when they were freshmen. Then again a lot had happened to both of them since then.

The blonde was inexplicably drawn to Rachel's wrists. She had the smallest wrists, they were like twigs and Quinn would find herself staring at them during classes and wondering how they didn't break each day in soccer practice.

Rachel just looked fragile.

But Quinn was not much better.

She had two close calls since the bathroom encounter. The first was with that Marley girl. Everyone had been milling about the bleachers before practice and Quinn had her leg up on a step and was tying her shoe while talking to Santana when Marley walked up.

"Hey Quinn, I had a question about shoes. Should we get racing flats the same brand as our training shoes or different?"

Santana snickered, "Have fun captain." And she walked away to harass Puck, leaving Quinn alone to consult the girl.

"In my experience it doesn't matter that much, as long as they are comfortable. I have Mizuno trainers and Saucony racing flats and they work just fine." she finished with a gesture at the shoe she was finishing lacing up and Marly leaned in to examine it more closely.

"I almost got these trainers but I didn't like the way the heel came up- what is that? Did you get sliced by spikes?" The freshman reached out a timid finger and brushed it gently along the four parallel scars on Quinn's ankle.

She automatically recoiled, dropping her leg to the ground so quickly she almost lost her balance and looking around to see if Santana had heard the comment but nobody saw the event but her and Marley. "Yeah I got spiked last year, no big deal." Quinn said, trying to cover it up.

"I didn't know you could get spiked four times like that. Did the person have really big feet or something?" Marley was intrigued by how experienced Quinn seemed to be.

_Shit, of course no shoes have four spikes like that... This girl's smart._ "No, it was a few different times and they all just sort of scarred up together like that."

"I didn't know they made cross country shoes with spikes that could do that."

"They don't, they were track shoes."

"But I thought you didn't run track."

Quinn huffed in frustration at Marley's persistance, "Look, why don't you make up a story about what happened, come to me and I'll approve it for you. How's that sound? Until then just keep your mouth shut and keep this to yourself. Got it?"

Marley nodded and looked slightly frightened. _Great now I've scared the new girl. And she seemed like such a promising runner. Oh well, I'll make it up to her later._

Quinn stormed away to find Santana who was still talking to Puck on the opposite side of the track. Throwing courtesy to the wind she jogged right through the middle of the soccer field, hardly caring enough to skirt around the outside of a ladder drill the girls were doing, and it was only then that she noticed a pair of large chocolate brown eyes that had been on her through the whole Marley encounter. _Of course Rachel saw...Joy._

The second time had been once again in a bathroom. It seemed like everything bad happened to her in bathrooms. She had gone in just like the day she confronted Rachel to change her band aide but this time it was on her calf. She was examining the wounds, they were superficial but there were more than normal, all in a row. And then the outer door opened and a freshman walked in. She took one look at Quinn standing there fresh cuts on her leg and an evil glare in her eyes and froze.

"What?!" Quinn barked, the freshman sucked in a breath and stumbled over her own feet in her haste to exit the bathroom.

Since then she had been more careful. But she couldn't shake the nagging feeling that she had made a mistake. That thought was thrown from her mind however one Thursday night about three weeks into school.

The cross country team was revving up to for their first meet. William McKinley had a long standing tradition of hosting the first meet of the year; the captains set the course, the underclassmen marked it, juniors arranged parking. It was a well oiled machine.

It was also the McKinley Rally. All of the clubs would set up tables in the parking lot to raise money and there was a parade. It was all a sight to behold. The race was an invitational and would kick off as the lead of the parade, leading the way around the outside of the school, through a nearby neighborhood, and back to the main entrance of the school for a grand finish.

Normally Quinn wasn't concerned at all with races and didn't stress before them, but being captain was different.

She was up all night making sure the race was prepped, the other schools were coming, the course was the right length. There was a lot to deal with. Coach Sylvester was not the least bit helpful.

She called Quinn twice the night with random questions to make sure things had been done. When morning came around on Friday the blonde rolled out of bed with two hours of sleep and a raging headache.

After nearly falling asleep in the shower Quinn pulled herself together enough to grab a tall mug of coffee and jump in her car to go to school.

Her stomach grumbled in second period but she pushed the aching feeling of missing breakfast out of her head and instead focused on visualizing her coming race. She would be leading the team out and was going to try to get a Personal Record. It would be a difficult race.

If not for her seat mate in Physics Quinn would definitely have fallen asleep with in the first five minutes of class but instead was filled with uneasy focus. Which she tried to shunt onto the lesson but the teacher's voice was so monotone and boring she eventually succumbed to the appeal of slumber.

Half an hour later she was jostled awake by a loud slamming of a door and before she could take in the embarrassment of her position- head down on the black desk, one arm acting as a pillow and the other splayed across the desk; intruding into Rachel's space- she was on her feet.

Her eyes were wildly looking around for the source of that _sound_. That sound was the same sound she heard when _it_ happened... but it couldn't be that. That was four months ago and now she was not in a dingy bathroom, she was standing in the middle of a physics class with twenty sets of eyes on her.

"Problem Ms. Fabray?" The teacher glared at her.

Her mouth dropped open and she floundered for a reply, "No I was just- No."

"Then I suggest you take a seat."

She did and her cheeks blushed bright red. She had gone nearly a whole month without having a nightmare about_ that night_ and now they come back in the middle of her physics class... Great.

* * *

"Lets take a warm up jog along the course and then line up for some run outs!" Quinn told her girls, trying to stay positive for the coming race. Her head was pounding, it had been all day and the advil she had taken earlier did nothing to relieve the pain.

"Fine Q. But we are not going fast!" Santana said, fidgeting with her race bib with her number on it. The bib was pinned to her jersey like all the other girls on the team but her bright orange sports bra stood out clearly under the white tank top jersey.

The team had a strict white or black sports bra policy but Santana never listened.

The warm up was difficult for Quinn. Her head hurt, her legs were tired, her stomach was cramping, and she felt all around like shit. Santana noticed.

"Are you dying Q?" the brunette asked.

"No. I just don't feel good."

"How much water have you had to drink today?"

The blonde racked her brain for an answer but then realized she had forgotten her water bottle at home in her haste to get to school, "None."

Santana barked out a laugh, "Great example there Captain."

"I'll be fine."

"Sure."

Minutes later the girls arrived at the start line. It was the middle of a road drawn with chalk. Students from McKinley were lined up along the sides to watch the race and they cheered when the team came into sight.

The noise made Quinn want to hurl.

After a few stretches they made a huddle and Quinn did her best to give what she hoped would be a motivational speech, "Ladies, this is our first race. Every one is going to PR and everyone is going to set the bar for their season. Let's get out there and represent McKinley and show the other schools what we're made of!"

There was a grunt of approval and agreement from the team and Santana clapped her hands and put one in the middle, soon followed by one hand from each of the girls, "Women on three! One, Two, Three!"

"Women!" the team yelled, it was a weird tradition but hell the girls varsity did that cheer ever since Santana and Quinn had been freshmen so they did it.

They moved into position behind the line, Quinn and Santana in front followed by Marley and the rest of the girls. Other teams crowded in from the sides, compressing the line so it was tightly packed.

A fat man with a gun stepped out in front of them, "Alright girls, this is gonna be a nice fair race. No pushing, no shoving, no tripping. On my mark, three," He brought the gun up to point at the sky.

"Two" Quinn's head pounded with the roar of the crowd, it was deafening.

"One." the gun went off and Quinn exploded. Her legs carried her to the front of the pack, quickly setting a blistering pace leaving only one girl from another school close behind her.

She was able to maintain that pace for about a mile. When she hit the first mile mark Coach Sue was standing there with a stop watch and yelled out the time, "6 minutes on the dot Q. Keep it up blondie!"

Quinn's mind reeled. _Six minutes, what the actual fuck? I have never done a six minute mile in a 5k before... _Looking back over her shoulder she saw a large gap had formed between her and the next girl.

All of a sudden the dizziness and nausea from earlier in the day came crashing into Quinn. Her vision swam and the ground shifted under her feet. She stumbled to the edge of the course and fell to her knees.

The last thing Quinn registered before her vision went totally black was a pair of pink cleats and a familiar voice asking her if she was alright.

* * *

The soccer team always held a bake sale for the school rally to try to raise money for their equipment. This year it was new nets they needed, the old ones had holes big enough for the balls to go through but the athletic director insisted there was not enough money in the budget.

As a result Rachel spent the better part of her week in the kitchen whipping up batch after bath of confections from cookies to cupcakes and even some eclairs.

She normally enjoyed the rally, the parade was so good for school spirit and she loved seeing the teams and clubs decked out in their gear. Plus it was one of the few cross country races she was able to go to.

When Friday rolled around the seniors on the soccer team voted to wear their red jerseys with black paint under their eyes like football players and standard black shorts with their cleats so they would all match at the rally. Rachel's pink clears clashed horribly with the red jerseys but she conformed anyway and stood, face paint perfected, cheap pompoms held tight, on the side of the race/parade route with the rest of the team.

When the first runner came into sight she could clearly see it was Quinn and there was nobody closely trailing her. With her blonde pony tail flying wildly behind her Rachel thought Quinn looked invincible. But that changed quickly as her determined glare was replaced with a pained confusion. Quinn stumbled over to the shoulder of the road where the soccer team was gathered and dropped hard onto her knees. Rachel rushed forward and placed her hands on the blondes shoulders, dropping carefully onto her own knees she tried to make eye contact.

"Quinn, are you alright?"

The blonde opened her mouth to reply but instead sagged forwards, toppling Rachel over and landing them both on the side of the road. The air was knocked from Rachel's lungs as Quinn became dead weight on top of her.

The whole soccer team crowded in a protective bubble around the pair.

Rachel gently pushed Quinn off her and pressed two fingers to her neck to check for a pule. It was faint but there. "Somebody call an ambulance!" Rachel yelled, her voice cracked on the last word but she straightened her face and tried to focus on helping Quinn.

* * *

**Oh cliff hanger! I promise things will be elaborated upon later, especially things about Quinn and her odd trauma.**

**Tell me what you thought!**


	5. Cart Duty

**This chapter was written super quickly and I haven't really edited it so there are probably spelling and grammar issues but I just wanted to get it up as soon as I could! I hope you enjoy it. **

**Thank you for the reviews on previous chapters, keep 'em coming!**

* * *

_The music was insanely loud, the kind of loud that reverberates off the walls and shakes the floors and you can feel it changing the rhythm of your heart. Quinn loved it._

_Even in the dingy bathroom she could hear the muffled yelling of the crowd, trying to sing along with the band. She stood in front of the mirror and distantly wondered when the last time was that anyone bothered to clean it._

_The door to the bathroom opened and she turned to see who it was, "Excuse me I think you may be in the wrong place-"_

And then she was shrieking. A firm hand was on her arm trying to shake her back to the present and her eyes snapped open.

"Quinn! Quinn relax!" It was Rachel. Her brown eyes were large and full of concern but Quinn found herself smiling she could feel tears streaming down her cheeks but she was smiling.

"What the hell are you smirking at Quinn?"

The smirk developed into a full blown laugh and she realized just how sore her throat was but she still managed to get out a hoarse response to Rachel, "It's just your face paint is all smudged and running down your cheeks and your hair is all out of whack so you look like a sad clown."

"At least the sad clown didn't pass out on the side of a road and have to be taken to a hospital for dehydration and sleep deprivation!"

Quinn looked around and realized that she was lying in a hospital. An IV was dripping into her arm and her chest was hooked up to a heart monitor underneath a hospital gown. "What happened?"

"During the race you passed out and we called you an ambulance. I came along with you and now half the school is in the waiting room to see you." Rachel explained, the whole time she kept her firm grip on Quinn's arm.

"That is so embarrassing..."

"It's going to be fine. Everyone is just worried about you." Rachel tried to reassure while subtly patting down her hair and trying to scrub the paint from her cheeks. "I'm worried about you."

Quinn smiled even more at that but tried to make the situation less awkward, "Now why ever would you be worried about me? I'm just the dumb runner that didn't have the foresight to drink enough water before a race so I blacked out."

"Why wouldn't I be worried about you Quinn?" The hand gripping the blonde's arm loosened but did not let go. She started rubbing small circles with her thumb, "You were talking in your sleep. Mumbling really, I couldn't understand any of it but then you were screaming and the nurses came in and had to sedate you. You looked like you were going to start screaming again, that's why I woke you up this time." her voice was quiet and she couldn't meet Quinn's eyes.

"Oh." _Great, now I freaked Rachel out. When am I going to stop screwing things up?__  
_

"Why were you screaming? Did you have a nightmare?" Rachel knew she was prying and she should let Quinn relax but curiosity got the best of her.

"Something like that." The last thing Quinn wanted to do was relive that night and the recurring nightmares after, "How long have I been out?"

"Just a couple of hours." the change of subjects did not go unnoticed by Rachel but she let it go, "Santana and Puck have been going stir crazy in the lobby and they almost got kicked out by the nurses like twice. Do you want me to go get them?"

Quinn really didn't like the idea of having to deal with her best friends at the moment, she knew they would admonish her for neglecting her body but she felt guilty for ruining the rally and making them wait around for her, "Sure."

With a final reassuring pat on the arm Rachel rose and let the room to find the other runners.

Quinn took stock of herself, her head was pounding and her throat was killing her but other than that she felt alright. She tried to push herself into a sitting position and found that her knees were stinging painfully, pushing aside her blanket revealed heavily bandaged kneecaps with faint traces of red on the bandages, _great, that's going to be fun to recover from._

"Someone's gonna get gnarly scars!" Puck said, walking into the room and seeing Quinn's knees.

"Way to make her feel good when she's in the hospital!" Santana replied, smacking him in the arm. "How are you doing Q?"

"I'm fine. Where's Rachel?" She craned her neck around the two and peered into the empty hallway.

"She's updating everyone in the waiting room. Why do you care so much about the hobbit?" Santana snapped, clearly something had happened between the two that Quinn had missed out on.

"She was there for me when I woke up. I just want to know!" the blonde tried to shrug off her curiosity.

Santana and Puck shared a dark look, "We would have been here when you woke up but those damn nurses would only let the hobbit stay here since she rode in with you and your parents aren't here."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Puck sat on the edge of the bed, "So if you didn't pass out you totally would have broken the school record for the 5k!"

Quinn punched him, hoping to cause a bruise if she hit him in the same place as Santana did earlier, "Way to stay positive Puck."

"How's this for positive Q?" Santana began, moving in close to the hospital bed to look Quinn in the eyes, "If you ever do this again or if you ever get this dehydrated before a race, I am positive I will beat the crap out of you!"

"Fine San." She relented.

A nurse came in and shooed them out, "She's going to be discharged soon now out!"

After they left the nurse began disconnecting Quinn's wires, "So now that your vitals are back up to normal and you've had the whole IV bag so once your parents get here war can release you to them!"

"Great." Quinn responded, voice completely devoid of enthusiasm.

"We contacted your mother and she is on her way over! She sounded very worried."

The blonde sighed, of course her mother was worried. She freaked out if Quinn would get a paper cut when she was a kid. Now that it was her own fault she was in the hospital she was sure to get a talk from her mother.

* * *

Two days later it was Monday and Quinn had spent the whole weekend getting lectured by her parents on 'taking care of herself' and 'responsibility' and all she could do was sit there and think how ironic the whole thing is while habitually scratching the itchy red lines on her hips.

She went through the whole school day ignoring the smirks from people who were making jokes about her fainting and deflecting the questions of her condition from people who wanted to make sure she was alright. Focused totally on the end of school when she would be able to go to practice and just bitch to Santana.

She was late leaving her final class so when the time finally did come around and she was late to the locker room to change. Santana had already left and so had the rest of the team so she was left alone in the area of the locker room the cross country girls claimed ever year. The only other people were some volleyball girls trying to put off going to practice for as long as possible but they eventually gave in and left for the gyms.

As Quinn peeled off her sweats she was faced with the sudden realization that everyone would see her scabbed and scratched knees. It was stupid but the small imperfection made her self conscious to no end and she almost considered wearing her sweats to run but she knew that would draw even more attention to her so she just slipped on her shorts and put her sweats on over. She would take them off before they ran.

She pulled her shirt over her head and was putting on her sports bra when Rachel came running into the locker room. The brunette threw her bags down in front of her locker, only a few down from Quinn's and had shoved her skirt down her narrow hips before she realized Quinn was standing there staring at her.

They shared a moment of the most awkward eye contact ever before simultaneously snapping back to changing for their respective sport practices and blushing deep red. Rachel decided to break the silence after she had pulled her shorts on and inconspicuously checked to make sure Quinn was at least sort of dressed, "It's good to see you are back to practice already."

"Yeah I drank as much water as a camel and peed like a dozen times today so I should be fine!" _God did I really just tell a half dressed Rachel Berry that I peed a lot today?_

"Good." Rachel nodded to herself and unbuttoned her blouse, letting it fall off her shoulders and stretching her arms high over her head. She was stiff from sitting in classes all day and the stretching felt glorious.

Quinn was preparing some funny sarcastic comment to try to save her image and looked over to deliver it but froze when she saw Rachel's topless body contorted in a stretch. Her abdominal muscles pulled taught and her back was clearly defined. Quinn mentally slapped herself and dropped her eyes to her shoes just in time for Rachel to look over, "Well?"

_Shit she's talking to me! _ Quinn forced herself to meet Rachel's gaze again but we was blushing deeply once again, "What?"

"When's your next race?" She repeated, almost patronizingly.

"This Friday."

"Well good luck." Rachel replied happily, pulling her practice jersey over her head and hiding from view the sight that had been distracting Quinn.

The blonde heaved her bag over her shoulder, "Thanks, good luck to you too." She headed out the door to the track.

When she got there warm up was already over, "Quinn! Where have you been?" Coach yelled at her when she dropped her bag and joined the huddle.

"Sorry coach, I was stuck talking to a teacher. Should I go warm up now?"

"No. I don't want you running today Q. You are on golf cart duty." there was a look of confusion on many of the new kids faces. Nobody had been given golf cart duty yet this year.

"Coach! That's insane! I was cleared by my doctors, I drank water today, I'm fine to run!"

"You're fine when I say you're fine and until further notice you are not fine Fabray!" Coach turned effectively ending their conversation and gave out assignments to the rest of the team on their milage for the day.

When everyone went to drop their shirts and start their runs Quinn went to try one last time with her coach, "Will you at least let me drive alongside the girls before I do golf cart duty?"

Coach could see how much the blonde wanted to prove herself and get back in the swing of things, "Fine, but no running!"

"Thank you Coach!" Quinn was so happy she almost hugged the tall imposing woman but she refrained and instead took the keys and ran over to the golf cart bay where the carts for all the teams or security guards.

"No running Q!"

The blonde slowed to a fast jog and jumped into the Cross Country team's cart and sped her way out of the parking lot to catch up to Santana and the rest of the girls. She beeped and the girls parted so she could drive to the front of the pack and talk to Santana.

"Let's go to the golf course so we aren't all squished on the side walk." the blonde suggested.

"Good idea Q, I would hate to end up run over like you were."

"Don't tempt me."

A few minutes later they were on the first hole of the only golf course in Lima, Ohio. "It's happening again San."

The Latina shot a look over her shoulder to make sure none of the other girls were close, as per usually the only one in the area was Marley, "By _it_ do you mean the nightmares?"

"What else would I be talking about?"

"Oh I don't know! The not taking care of yourself, the not sleeping, the mysterious scratches, pick one Q!" Santana had to control herself to not yell the list at her friend.

"Calm down! I'm doing better. It wasn't intentional the other shit I just-" she took a steadying breath, "I just need a friend right now that I can talk to."

"Fine, let's talk. Even though when we do you never really tell me anything."

"Santana. Please just-"

"No, let me guess. Your nightmare, all you remember is it's dark and loud and there's someone else there. But that's not really true, is it Quinn?"

The blonde looked away. It wasn't fair that she didn't tell Santana everything when she was so dependent on the girl for support but she just couldn't tell her. She knew Santana would try to fix it and she would feel so guilty because honestly, the Latina was probably the only person who could have prevented _it_ in the first place.

"I'm sorry San. Let's just talk about something else."

"Fine. What do you want to talk about Q?"

By now they were on hold nine and headed back towards the school, "Let's talk about the insanely awkward moment I had in the locker room with Rachel."

Santana's eye brightened at the gossip, she knew that Quinn would talk to her about everything else when she was ready but it still hurt her to not be able to help her friend, "What, did the hobbit feel you up or something?"

_If only..._ "No! She didn't! We were just in there alone at the same time and we had a- moment."

"A moment?"

"It was an awkward half dressed moment with awkward half dressed conversation. She has really good abs."

Santana shot her a 'oh honey are you serious?' look and laughed. She laughed so hard she had to stop running and brace her hands on her knees to catch her breath. Quinn stopped the golf cart and shot her a hard look. After a moment she pulled herself together, "You had a half dressed moment with the hobbit in the locker room and your take away is that she has good abs? What kind of lesbian are you Q?"

The blonde reached out and slapped Santana on the arm, "The kind with an ounce of respect for others and doesn't creep on people in locker rooms!"

"Hey, I don't creep, I admire." she replied defensively.

"Yeah sure. I'm going to head back so I can get done with golf cart duty and home before seven tonight!"

"Drive carefully Q!"

"Bye San!" Quinn turned and sped away to the school. When she got there the Coach had already put out the buckets and soap for her.

Golf cart duty was usually given to athlete's who did bad things or got bad grades as a punishment. Athletes on the duty had to clean all of the golf carts, every single one of them before they were allowed to leave for the night. It was easy on days after big tests when a bunch of kids failed so there were all hands on deck to clean but on days like this it was likely that Quinn would be alone in her job.

The school had nine carts; one for the cross country team, one for the soccer team, one for football, one for baseball, one for softball, and five for the security guards. It was going to be a long day.

However when she approached the cart lock up and parked the XC cart in the designated spot she discovered that she would not be alone in cart duty. The hose was on and there was soapy water on the ground near a cart in the back, "Hey, who do I have the pleasure of cleaning carts with today?" She called to the back of the lock up.

A brunette popped up from behind a security guard's cart, "That would be me."

_Of course._ "What did you do to get stuck here Rachel?"

"I was late to practice." she replied matter-of-factly, "What did you do?"

"Same."

Rachel smiled, "Well I already got three done back here so that's just six left. If we hurry up we can get out of here at normal time!"

"Alright, I'll start on the ones over here." Quinn indicated the carts across the row from Rachel and began scrubbing the hood of the one nearest her.

They worked in silence for a while, each one absorbed in their own thoughts. Quinn soon grew hot and she took her shirt off, depositing it in the seat of the cart she was working on.

Rachel appraised her quietly from her own cart, taking notice of the fading red marks on the blonde's hips. She bit her tongue for as long as she could but after she noticed matching scars on Quinn's ankle she couldn't keep quiet, "What happened to your hips?"

"What do you mean?" she tried playing dumb. Rachel wasn't having any of it.

"The cuts. What happened?" Not having to look at Quinn when she questioned the other girl gave Rachel confidence and she focused her energy on scrubbing the cart in front of her.

"Nothing, I thought we had decided I was fine."

"We did. But that was before."

Quinn bristled, since when did Rachel get to decide that things had changed? "What happened that you were throwing up in the bathroom?"

"Did it have something to do with why you were screaming in the hospital on Friday?" Rachel completely ignored Quinn's question and pressed on with her own.

The blonde sighed but surprisingly she relented, "Yes it did." For some reason she found Rachel easy to talk to and she felt like she could trust her.

Rachel froze in her action, caught off guard by the admission. She moved over to the cart Quinn was cleaning but still wasn't ready to meet her eyes, "You aren't really fine are you?" the question was soft and timid.

Quinn's response was little more than a whisper, "No. I'm not. But I will be."

Quinn dropped her sponge into the bucket. She was finished with the last golf cart and just wanted to go home. Rachel just stood nervously by the cart. "I'm serious Rachel, I'm going to be just fine."

"You know I really hate that word." the brunette was slowly gaining her courage back and wanted to be able to comfort Quinn but she didn't know how so she just kept talking, hoping to hit her stride soon, "It's not a real emotion. 'Fine'. It's a word best reserved for salt so you can say it's finely ground. Sure some days you may feel crushed to a fine powered but saying that you are 'fine' in those situations is not an apt description and happens far to often."

The blonde smiled, she wasn't the only one with word vomit issues, "You don't have to do that Rachel. You don't have to try to fix me or help me."

"But I want to." Rachel finally locked eyes with Quinn.

"It's late. I should be getting home." the blonde went to grab her shirt from the first cart she had washed but a hand on her arm stopped her.

"Please don't push me away Quinn. I know we aren't very close or anything but this," she gently ran her free hand across one of the blonde's hips causing an eruption of goosebumps, "You are better than this."

"That's just it. You don't get it nobody does. I'm not better than this! _This_ is what I am now, it's all I have." she pulled her arm away, it wasn't a harsh gesture, more a tired one.

"No it isn't! You are so much more than this and you can do so much with your life Quinn! I can't just stand here and watch you hurt yourself like this."

Quinn yanked on her shirt and wheeled around to face Rachel once more, "So you can't watch me hurt myself but you can run off to the bathroom and throw up your lunch just fine?"

The brunette was stunned silent. She dropped her sponge to join Quinn's in the bucket and sprinted half out of the cart lock up before Quinn caught up to her and grabbed her arm just as she had done to Quinn earlier.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, just give me a second Rachel."

Rachel wouldn't turn around and look at Quinn so the blonde moved around her, effectively blocking the exit with her body in case the soccer player tried to make another run for it.

"It's just that. Maybe if I had done it earlier. Maybe if I didn't look so perfect to everyone. Maybe _it_ wouldn't have happened." Quinn was talking mainly to herself at this point and hardly realized she still had a hold on Rachel's wrist.

"Maybe what wouldn't have happened?" the blonde was brought back by Rachel's voice but she didn't reply. She just stood there holding her wrist, wondering how it could be so skinny yet so strong. "Quinn, what are you talking about?"

"This summer. I- We. Santana and I, we were-" Quinn tried to explain but her breathing was speeding up and she thought she would hyperventilate, "I'm sorry, I can't. Not yet." tears began falling from her eyes, hot and heavy they dripped down her cheeks.

"It's ok Quinn. This summer you and Santana.." Rachel prompted her, putting a reassuring hand on Quinn's shoulder she tried to get the blonde to continue in her story but she just shook her head and tried to regulate her breathing.

Rachel was unsure what to do so she just pulled Quinn into a hug and started rubbing her back. Clearly trying to get her to talk was not a good idea, "It's alright Quinn. You don't have to say anything."

With that reassurance Quinn just seemed to have more trouble breathing as she tried to apologize to Rachel for ruining her shirt with her tears and for not being able to tell her what was happening but Rachel silenced all of her apologies.

"Shh, I understand honey. Just breath." She didn't know where the nickname came from but it seemed to calm the blonde so she kept going, "Its ok. Deep breaths honey its alright." Eventually Quinn stopped crying and was able to breath normally and she pulled away from Rachel.

Her face was flushed from the crying and embarrassment that she had just had a breakdown in front of Rachel but the brunette didn't seem to care. She was just concerned.

"Do you need me to drive you home?"

"No. Thanks Rachel but I'll be ok." she tried to shoot her a smile but it came out as a grimace.

"Give me your phone." Rachel held out her hand expectantly.

"What?"

"Just do it."

Quinn fished it out of her sweats and handed it over. "If you aren't ok. Or if you want to talk. Or if you don't want to talk and you just need someone that isn't threatening to go 'Lima heights adjacent' on everyone, call me."

Rachel gave the phone back and Quinn saw that she had added her number, "Why Ms. Berry did you just give me your number?" she just couldn't hold back her snarky comment.

"Yes, don't abuse it." she smiled at the blonde and secretly hoped that Quinn would call her.

"Scouts honor." Quinn said holding up two fingers in what she hoped was a scout's salute. She dropped it and wiped her eyes, preparing to re-enter the real world. Before she left the lock up, however, Rachel rushed forwards and wrapped her in one last hug.

The whole drive home Quinn replayed the interaction in her mind, Rachel just might be the person she could finally open up to about that summer night.

She went to bed that night full of hope but as soon as she was met with sleep she was sucked back into that bathroom with the pounding base and dirty mirror, _"__Excuse me I think you may be in the wrong place-" and then the slam of a heavy door..._

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it! I'm already planning out the next chapter which will hopefully connect a lot of the dots for you all.**

**Keep calm and review on! :)**


	6. The Squench Niner

**Hey all! Thanks so much for your reviews, you are all keeping me motivated to keep writing. ****This chapter cranks up the drama and is a tad longer than the other ones in the story. **

**P.S. the songs used in this chapter are 'Afraid' and 'Sweater Weather' by the Neighbourhood, (who I love!). And 'Smile' by Nat King Cole. I do not own any of them or Glee, I just borrow the music and characters.**

* * *

_The door slammed and the music was slightly muted, but still ungodly loud 'You're too mean, I don't like you, fuck you anyway. You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs' the crowd sung along on the other side of the door but Quinn interrupted to address the stranger._

_ "__Excuse me I think you may be in the wrong place-" A tall figure pushed off of where they were leaning against the closed door._ Quinn saw the whole scene from above like an out of body experience. _Unconciously she tensed as the figure made its way over to her._ In all of her reoccurring nightmares this was the point in which it would change.

Once_ the figure was close enough to touch she stuck out. __Her fist connected hard with a solid jaw sending her attacker stumbling backwards. Quinn shot forwards and ran from the bathroom. She emerged into a dark hallway which she tried to navigate back to the source of the music but she tripped and was falling... falling... falling._

Quinn woke up with a start, her eyes shot open and she felt a cold sweat down her back. Struggling to get her breathing under control the blonde took stock of herself. She felt physically fine except for a stinging in her palms and a pounding headache like she had _that night._

Raising a hand to her face, Quinn squinted through the darkness at the offending limb. Her fingers were sore and she realized with a start it was from clenching her fists so tightly all night. There were four bleeding half moons on her palm that she quickly realized was from where her nails had dug into her hands and broken the skin.

She sent a glare at her alarm clock, it was 3 in the morning. _Might as well get up then._ Quinn slowly got up and went to her bathroom to take a shower.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and frowned at her reflection. The recurring dreams caused her to loose so much sleep she had big enough dark rings around her eyes to look like a raccoon. _I guess more coverup will be required today._

Once she stepped under the hot spray images of her dream came flooding back. _At least I got away. In the end. _

The night before when she had the same nightmare she had not been so lucky. She repressed a shudder at the memory. _It is going to be a long day. _She could not be more right.

* * *

Rachel arrived one of the first to her Calculus class and waited patiently for the other students to trickle in. She had devised a plan over the past few days and she was going to help Quinn and get her to open up one way or another.

She just hoped Quinn would enter class alone but to her dismay the three musketeers were together as always. Puck, Santana, and Quinn all entered together, carrying on some conversation they had been having in the hallway.

"Wow, the squench niner, are you sure they are ready for that already?" Puck asked the girls.

Quinn sighed, she was clearly fed up with the discussion, but Santana interrupted before Quinn could voice her discontent, "Nobody is ever 'ready' for the squench niner. You just do it!" her eyes got a far away dreamy look in her eyes.

Rachel smiled to herself at the conversation, her thoughts were interrupted by Quinn. What the blonde said surprised her, "Of course nobody is ready for it, it's completely insane. But if you plan on doing it this year today is the best day, you know how Coach never misses so today is an anomaly. Plus there is a ton of squench in the shed."

"YES!" Puck fist pumped the air and gave Santana a strong high five.

A low voice from the front of the room distracted him, "Care to share Puckerman?" Puck lowered his eyes to his desk, and the teacher smiled, "I thought so." then he addressed Quinn, "I really expected more from you Fabaray."

Santana and Puck snickered, their Calc teacher always found some way to blame issues on Quinn.

Rachel's plan would just have to wait for their next class together, Physics

* * *

"... and thus you can see that centrifugal force is not a real thing. It is just the object attempting to stay on the straight forward path but being pushed by sideways acceleration..." the Physics teacher droned on. Quinn's head dipped. She leaned her elbow on the desk and her chin on her hand. Her eyes slowly closed and seconds later her head slipped out of her grip and snapped back up. _It's going to be a long class period._

Rachel noticed Quinn's struggle to stay awake and just smirked to herself, maybe she could help the blonde out.

"You know it tends to be easier to pass tests when you are awake to learn the content." Rachel whispered in Quinn's ear.

The blonde shot upright in surprise, "I already leaned all of it in Calc this morning." she whispered back.

"Then you might as well start on tomorrow's lesson."

"I might as well but I think I'll save that for Spanish class and nap now."

Rachel smirked, "Well don't let Sir catch you."

Quinn waved the comment off dismissively, "Like he would do anything anywa-"

"What's on your hand?" Rachel made a grab for the blonde's wrist and examined the palm. She ghosted a finger across the four crescent shaped scabs.

"It's nothing." She didn't try to pull her hand away though.

"It doesn't look like nothing." Rachel recognized the marks as being from nails and knew they could only be from the blonde clenching her fists tightly. _But why would she do that?_

"Trust me, I'm fine." Now she recoiled her hand, it was a simple gesture but it effectively ended the conversation.

But Rachel still needed to get the last word in, "You don't look fine."

The brunette spent the rest of her class period sneaking glances at the runner. She really didn't look fine. Her cheeks seemed thinner as if she had forgotten to eat for a fews days and her eye makeup was heavy to conceal dark bags under her eyes.

* * *

"Welcome to the most challenging day of your lives!" Puck and Santana were standing in front of the cross country team with the biggest smiles plastered on their faces. The soccer team was already practicing with their radio playing loud. The song 'Sweater Weather' by the Neighbourhood kind of killed the serious vibe the two were going for.

"It's time for the squench niner kids!" Santana jeered. Returning members let out groans while the freshmen just looked around nervously. Set up on the side of the track was a fold out table with some objects concealed by a large sheet.

Puck began the explanation, "The squench niner is a challenge we do here every year in which you run a mile, chug a solo cup of squench, run a mile, chug a cup, and keep going until you hurl. The first person to do nine miles without puking wins!"

Marley raised a hesitant hand, "What is squench?"

"Aha!" Santana whipped the cloth off the table revealing a stack of cups and two large jugs of what appeared to be lime green corn syrup, "Squench is super concentrated Gatorade. It's thick as syrup and tastes like salted electrolytes and victory."

"Now line up!" the team reluctantly dragged their feet to the starting line. Marley excluded.

The freshman made her way over to Quinn who was busy filling up the solo cups with squench, "Do we really have to do that?"

Quinn smiled, she had brought up that same question to her captain when she was a freshman, "No, you can help me fill up the cups and keep time. Puck is trying to beat the all time school record."

"Thank you!" Marley sighed and got to work. Once they had filled up enough for the first mile Quinn went to stand in front of the start line.

"On your marks, get set, GO!" She waved her hand and ran off the track as the team set off on their first mile.

Everything was going well until mile three when a group of freshman girls came to the table for their third cup of squench. One of them grabbed her drink, took in one sip, turned and retched over her friend's shoes.

"Oh! No! Away from the table now!" Quinn grabbed the girl's arm and pulled her over to the grass on the outside of the track and showed her to a pole she could hang onto. When the blonde returned to the table the girl whose shoes had been puked on was losing her squench too and Marley was just standing there flabbergasted.

"You too! Away from my table!" the girl stumbled over to where her friend was and held onto the pole.

_Two down, twenty five to go!_ Quinn thought to herself as she poured more squench out for the runners.

"That was disgusting, how do you deal with it?" Marley asked in wonder.

"Experience. It doesn't phase you after while." Quinn deadpanned.

They fell into a comfortable lull and by mile five six more runners had dropped out. Marley broke the silence, "I came up with a story by the way."

"Hmm?" Quinn asked.

"For how you got those scars on your ankle."

"Oh goody, please do share."

"So what happened was you were late to practice one day but you thought you could catch up to the rest of the team." Quinn smiled, she was never light but she liked where this was going, "So you cut across the track and tried to jump the fence behind the soccer field but couldn't get over it right and you cut your leg on the chain link."

The blonde nodded, thinking it over, "Alright, I'll take it."

Marley smiled. It was dashed from her face quickly though by another underclassman stumbling off the track, "Not by our table!" The brunette yelled.

"That's a girl." Quinn praised. There were only eight runners left with Puck and Santana neck in neck for first.

They rounded the corner and grabbed their squench. Santana finished chugging first and dropped the cup, "Two miles to go Puckerman!"

Puck gagged halfway through his cup and shot her a dark look.

By the end of mile eight it was just Puck and Santana left. It looked like the winner would come down to whoever chugged the last cup of squench fastest. They made it to the finish at the same time.

"Remember, for the last cup when you finish you have to turn the cup upside down over your head." Quinn said, handing out the beverage.

Santana got down a third of her cup before he had to remove it from her lips and suck in a couple of deep breaths to settle her stomach but Puck kept going. He got it all down his throat in one go and flipped his up over his head, a small amount of green goo dripped onto his mow hawk but it was undeniable that he had won.

"And the title of this year's squench niner champion goes to Puck!" The Latina dumped the remainder of her cup over Puck's head in protest.

"How can you stomach that?" she whined.

"Goes down smoother than whisky." he replied.

Quinn was quick to cut in, "Hey! No alcohol talk in front of the kids!"

"You just don't want us to tell the story of that one time you got so drunk-" Santana put a hand in front of her mouth and just barely made it away from the group of runners before she lost nine miles worth of squench.

"Good job everyone, drink lots of water and you can have tomorrow off. Enjoy your weekends!" Quinn quickly covered and went to check on Santana.

She rubbed her friends back and gave her some water to rinse with. By the time she had recovered most of the team had left, "Do you want me to drive you home San?" Puck offered.

"Yeah, that'd be nice." They grabbed their stuff and departed, leaving Quinn to clean up the table. She didn't mind, as a matter of fact she looked forward to the quiet.

The soccer team was done practicing for the most part but their radio was still blasting, providing a nice sound track to Quinn's one man clean up. Once she finished she decided to do a little running herself.

The blonde did three laps on the track, took off her tank top and prepared herself to continue but shot a glance at the center of the track first. The only remaining player was Rachel. She seemed to be in a world of her own kicking penalty shots repeatedly with a determined expression on her face.

Quinn smiled, she wasn't the only one who was staying after to keep practicing. She went back to running and did another nine laps. She was just falling into a regular rhythm when a new song came on the radio, invading her thoughts.

'When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place'

At first Quinn didn't really recognize it but once she did her feet came to an abrupt halt and her breathing sped up. She was heaving air in to and out of her lungs so quickly her head spun and her stomach clenched.

Her heart flew into a blind panic and she had to bend over with her hands on her knees to prevent herself from passing out and falling forwards. She tried to block out the noise and refocus her mind but she couldn't get the song out of her head and the memories that came with it.

The memories came flooding forwards, the dirty bathroom, the man's rough hands, his scratchy stubble against her cheek, and the wind was knocked out of her when she fell against the track, hard.

It was like she was blacking out but she was still conscious, her muscles tensed up so she couldn't move and her vision wouldn't focus but she could still hear that damn song. Another sound washed over her.

Someone was kneeling over her, asking if she was alright.

_God it's like the race all over again._

Quinn felt careful hands rolling her over onto her side and gently stroking up her arms.

"Quinn? It's going to be ok. Can you hear me?" Rachel was leaning over with her lips near Quinn's ear.

The blonde desperately wanted to say yes, to sit up and tell Rachel she was fine. But she couldn't. She couldn't force her breathing to slow down or her muscles to unclench. She just barely managed to bite out, "That- that song."

Rachel was struck, "What about the song?"

"Off- Turn it off."

The brunette nodded and quickly ran to the radio, stabbing the power button a little more harshly than necessary before sprinting back to Quinn. The runner was curled up into a small ball and she was quivering from the effort of straining her muscles. Rachel didn't even think before she sat down on the track and put Quinn's head in her lap so it wasn't pressed against the hard track.

"There Quinn, it's off."

Quinn managed a small nod but her breathing was still frantic. Rachel feared that the blonde would pass out if she didn't control her breathe so she did the only thing that worked to calm her down when she was younger. She sang.

"Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by."

She rubbed circles into Quinn's back in time with her singing.

"If you smile through your fear and sorrow. Smile and maybe tomorrow, you'll see the sun come shining through for you."

Gradually Quinn regained control, drawing in deeper breaths and beginning to relax her muscles. By the time Rachel finished her song the blonde was breathing normally again and she was able to uncurl herself from the ball she was scrunched into.

Hesitantly Quinn sat up and wrapped her arms around her knees, Rachel's hand stayed glued to her back.

"We need to talk, Quinn."

The blonde just nodded, it was time.

* * *

**So what do you think? You probably have some guesses on Quinn's secret and I know the waiting sucks but I need to make sure I do this the right way so all will be revealed soon enough!**


	7. Summer Nights

**Hey! Sorry this update took so long, life is hectic right now and I needed to do this chapter justice. That being said it's a bit shorter than the others but I think it encompasses everything that needed to be in it! So please enjoy.**

**WARNING! this chapter ratchets up the rating to like a T to possible M because of content and adult themes. Many of you may have already guessed Quinn's secret so this chapter will get mature due to that type stuff, yeah. **

**Sorry don't want to reveal too much!**

**Final A/N- there are flashbacks that will be in italics so don't get confused!**

* * *

Quinn took a deep breath and pushed herself fully upright. If she was going to tell Rachel what happened she needed to collect herself first. Rachel, for her part, was patient. She just sat there giving the blonde concerned looks out of the corner of her eye.

"It was over the summer." Quinn began. She tried to meet Rachel's eyes but she couldn't. She felt broken, dirty, like if she looked at Rachel she would ruin her too. The blonde nervously picked at grass, creating a small green pile.

"Santana dragged me to this concert for a band she loved. It was downtown. At that super old venue they almost tore down two years ago because of the health department."

Rachel knew the place well. When she was younger, before her fathers moved out of the city, she would bike to the theater and sneak in so she could sing on the stage. The place was disgusting and always looked like it was ready to collapse, but she loved it nonetheless. She got the feeling Quinn was about to change her perspective on it.

"You know Santana, she doesn't do anything small so from the second we walked in, people knew we were there." Rachel saw Quinn's eyes get a far away look in them and her hands stilled in their grass shredding. Quinn wasn't really there anymore, she was back in that theater.

_Santana walked in with Quinn right behind and immediately almost got into a fight over getting closer to the stage. Once they got situated and the first openers came on stage- some techno group nobody really cared about- two guys approached them. They were moderately attractive, not enough so they attracted attention but not ugly either._

_The taller of the two, a man who seemed to be in his early twenties with short blonde hair, walked up to Santana. "Hey, my name is Blake, this is my friend Jackson. We were wondering if we could buy you lovely ladies a couple of drinks."_

_Santana turned to Quinn and they shared a quick look before the Latina brushed the men off. She held up her hand, displaying the black X's that had been sharpied on them like they had been on all of the underaged peoples' hands upon entering, "No thanks, we're fine."_

_They guy didn't seem to get the hint, "You sure? We won't tell anyone."_

_By now Santana's naturally short fuse ran out, "Look I tried to be nice but now your just getting on my nerves. So why don't you take your creepy friend and get the hell out of our faces?"_

_The other man, the 'creepy' one, narrowed his eyes at her. He was slightly shorter but had a sturdier build, like a football player, and had close cropped black hair. He did indeed give Quinn the creeps._

Quinn was landed back in reality when she heard Rachel draw in a sharp gasp, the brunette knew where this story was going but she needed to hear Quinn say it to really believe it. Just like the blonde needed to say it to really move on from it.

"It was a lot of fun for a while. Concerts with Santana always are. But I had to go to the bathroom. Santana offered to come with me but they were playing her favorite song and I didn't want to take her away so I went on my own."

Rachel was surprised when Quinn let out a hoarse laugh, "Do you know how filthy those bathrooms are?" the blonde never expected an answer, she just kept on going, "I can't imagine how long it's been since they've cleaned those mirrors. I remember there was this crack right eye level in front of the sinks and it's got a bit of a red stain in it. The whole time it happened I just looked at that stain and wondered if it was blood or lipstick."

The brunette didn't even want to know what Quinn was referencing when she said 'the whole time it happened' but she knew whether she wanted to or not, Quinn would tell her.

"I went there and it was empty. Which wasn't surprising I guess, good band, nasty conditions, the night wasn't that far along so everyone was listening to the music. I was fixing my hair in the mirror when it happened."

Quinn trailed off again and Rachel's only prompting was to put a reassuring hand on the blonde's arm. The faraway look returned to the runner's eyes and Rachel knew she wasn't being talked to so much as through.

_The music was pounding one of the catchy songs Santana was always humming on runs. The song was interrupted when the door banged open._

_"I'm sorry, I think you may be in the wrong place." The figure standing in the doorway was the man from earlier. The 'creepy' one Santana had brushed off._

_He came fully into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, locking it menacingly. "I'm exactly where I need to be sweetheart."_

_The name 'sweetheart' sent chills down her spine and she recoiled against the sinks, shrinking in on herself. The man pushed off the door and slowly began walking towards her. As he drew nearer Quinn could clearly see his unshaven stubble, his bloodshot eyes, his uneven yellow teeth, and she could smell the alcohol on his breath. More importantly she could see the way his muscles rippled under his shirt. She stood no match for him._

_"Remember me from earlier? My friend offered to buy you a drink?" he waited to continue until Quinn nodded. She had to shake herself from her apparent paralysis that the shock of being locked in the bathroom with such a man put her in, "You know when I was in school, that was how every day went. Perfect pretty girls like you just pushed me off without a second glance."_

_His talking distracted Quinn and before she realized it, he was upon her. He grabbed her wrists and spun her around so she was facing the mirror. His hips trapped hers against the counter, hard. She had bruises for a week afterwards._

_From her hips on the counter, from his fingermarks on her wrists and forearms, from his hands on her neck. The purple marks and his hands were everywhere._

_Quinn's head was forced forward so she was face to face with her reflection. She couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with her reflection but the man, Jackson, forced her to keep her eyes open. _

_So the entire time she could do nothing but look straight ahead at the tears slowly dripping down her cheeks, smearing her makeup and making her eyes red. That was the image she was faced with when he started pulling at her jeans and when she heard him pull down his own zipper._

_Throughout it all he was talking to her, whispering in her ear. 'This is your fault' 'You're not so perfect now.' 'You're a dirty slut like all of the other ones who turned me down before.' 'You're so worthless, and there's nothing you can do about it.' 'If you weren't such a perfect cocky bitch this would never have happened.'_

_When he was done he fixed his own clothing and punched Quinn square in the jaw. The blow caught her by surprise and she stumbled into a hand dryer. She tried to grab onto it for support but slipped down the wall. Once she hit the floor Jackson kicked her, hard in the ribs- that bruise lasted for weeks after- and she was knocked unconscious._

_She felt like she was out for hours but when she cam to they were still playing that same damn song. So she picked herself up off the ground, straightened her jeans, wiped off her eyes and face but did everything she could to avoid looking in the mirror. She made sure her sleeves were pulled down over her new bruises and her hair hid the ones forming on her neck._

_When she rejoined Santana, the Latina asked Quinn if she was alright because her face seemed flushed but after Quinn reassured her she was fine, the subject was dropped. It wasn't hard to hide from Santana after that, it was the summer so she only saw her at cross country practice where she could disguise her bruises with makeup or clothes or pass them off as an encounter with a hard object when she wasn't looking. _

_Santana didn't raise any concerns because she trusted Quinn. It wast that Santana was careless or a bad friend, she was just one more failure to save the blonde from herself. _

_But Quinn knew, in her own mind at least, she couldn't let Santana know what happened and she couldn't tell anyone else. What is he was right? If it was her fault and she could have prevented it if she had been a different person._

Now that the truth was out, there was nothing Rachel could say. Nothing she could do. She was frozen in the shock of Quinn's confession. The blonde misread the hurt and anger in Rachel's eyes for disgust and immediately regretted telling the soccer player.

She tried to get up and leave. Just to go home, curl into a ball, and not move for a long time. But Rachel prevented her. She got up too and pulled the blonde into a hug. Rachel got over her shock to try to comfort the girl, "I'm so sorry that happened Quinn. There has to be something we can do."

"No, I just want it to go away." Quinn shook her head against Rachel's shoulder and was surprised when she saw dark blotches appearing on Rachel's shirt, but then she realized they were from her own tears.

"Alright." It was, in fact, extremely far from 'alright' but Rachel wasn't going to push the issue now. She just rubbed Quinn's back and kept telling her everything would be alright.

After a while the blonde's tears subsided and they were just left hugging on the track.

"Do you need me to drive you home?" Rachel asked. The last thing she needed was the Quinn getting into a car accident.

"No. I'll be fine." She pulled back from the hug and went over to the bleachers to retrieve her shirt- it had been off ever since she was running laps- and used it to wipe her tears.

They collected the rest of their belongings and started the trek to the parking lot together. When Quinn made it to her car she paused and turned to Rachel, whose car was not parked that far away from her own, "I still don't know."

"Know what?" Rachel was so surprised at the blonde's comment that she nearly dropped her keys.

"If that stain was blood or lipstick. Now I realize it could be either."

* * *

When Quinn arrived back at her house her parents were gone- as usual- and she was alone. She headed up to her bathroom as she had so many times before and didn't even pause before she reached under her sink and grabbed the small hair cutting scissors.

Her tears started falling fast and heavy, blurring her vision. She swiped out with her scissors, cutting her thighs, stomach, hips.

Jackson's words were echoing in her head. Each comment was punctuated with a cut.

'You're worthless.' cut.

'This is your fault' cut.

'You're not so perfect now.' cut.

'You're a dirty slut' cut.

'If you weren't such a perfect cocky bitch this would never have happened.' cut

In the end she only actually had a few cuts that were more than white scratches. But what was worse was the sinking feeling in her gut and the question that kept creeping back into her head since it happened.

If I looked like this when it happened, if I looked as bad on the outside as I feel on the outside would this have happened?

It was the question bouncing though her head when she tried to fall asleep that night.

* * *

The next day in school Quinn walked into Calculus alone. She was early so nobody else was around and she sat down, laid her head on her desk, and fell asleep. She had not been able to sleep much the night before so she was running on fumes.

When Rachel arrived she saw the sleeping Quinn and she tried not to grimace at the long sleeves and pants the blonde wore though it was still hot outside. She was going to help Quinn though this, even if she couldn't help herself.

* * *

**Hope you all enjoyed it. Review and tell me what you thought! I'm thinking about ending this story here but I might continue it if there's interest for an epilogue what happened next type of thing or simply another couple of chapters.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**P.S. Special thank you to- LionAgron, CorruptedXAngel (soon is now :)), rizzlescalzonafic (I'm happy you are enjoying the characters, I was trying really hard to develop them in this chapter, especially Quinn), and 'Guest' (was Quinn's secret what you thought it was?) I loved all of your reviews!**


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